Advance Care Planning – Conversation Guide

We’d like to think that our loved ones will always be healthy, independent and able to make decisions for themselves. But things can change suddenly. They might have an accident or a serious illness and no longer be able to speak for themselves. When that happens, doctors often turn to their loved ones to speak for them. If that happens, will you know what care they would want?

Talking with loved ones now and helping them plan for future medical needs is the best way to make sure that their wishes will be respected.

But, talking about this is not always easy. The California Coalition for Compassionate Care has developed this guide to help you start the conversation. In it you’ll find:

• Suggestions on how to raise the issue

• Responses to concerns they might express

• Questions you might want to ask

As your loved one reflects on and expresses her/his wishes, we recommend that you encourage her/him to:

• Write her/his wishes down in an Advance Directive document. An

Advance Directive is a statement, shared with both family and the doctor,

about how she/he wants to be treated if she/he becomes seriously ill and

cannot speak for herself/himself.

• Appoint a spokesperson – a Healthcare Power of Attorney – you or

someone else who understands her/his wishes and will be able to speak

for her/him if she/he is unable to do so.

Once you start talking, don’t feel that you need to get everything done at once. Rather it helps to see this as a process. Even after your loved one has made her/his wishes known, these wishes may change over time. But, once you’ve started, it will be easier to talk about changes or related issues in the future.

Keep in mind that other family members and loved ones also need to understand your loved one’s wishes. Depending on how close they may be, geographically or

emotionally, this can be challenging. Encourage your loved one to talk to family

members – one at a time or at a family gathering. Offer to support her/him as she/he reaches out to any who may be resistant. The more those close to your loved one are aware of her/his wishes, the more likely those wishes will be carried out.