Responding to concerns

I am feeling fine, so we don’t need to talk about this now. We can wait and handle things as they come up.

We’d both like to think that you will always be healthy and able to make decisions

for yourself. But things can happen suddenly. Things can change. You might have

an accident or develop a serious condition and not be able to speak for yourself. So, making your wishes known now will help everyone, including the doctors, be able to care for you the way you want. OR…

You make decisions every day about your life and your healthcare. I’ve seen how

independent you’ve always been, how you have operated on your own for so long.

That’s why I want to understand your wishes to make sure that you maintain your

independence as long as possible. Why leave really important decisions to chance?

There is no need to talk about this because “The doctor will make the decisions anyway,” or “I trust you (your father, your brother) to know what to do,” or “It’s all in God’s hands anyway…”

Though your doctor will help, she or he will still turn to us (your family) to make

the choices for you. It will be very difficult for us to know what to do if you haven’t

talked about your wishes. And, it puts a real burden on all of us to have to make

decisions on your behalf when we aren’t sure what you would want.

“My attorney has taken care of it all,” or “I’ve already filled out the form.”

It’s great that you have already started the planning process. If the time comes that

you can’t make decisions for yourself, it would help me and others who love you if

we could understand what care you would want. Perhaps we could start by sitting

down together and reviewing your form.

This is too hard (or morbid or depressing) to talk about.

While it can be hard to talk about, it’s very important for our family. If we have to

guess what you would like, we will feel anxious about making the right decision.

And, we may disagree and not know what to do. Talking about this now will be a

wonderful gift you can give to me and all of us who love you. Let’s try and see how it goes.

I agree we should talk about this. How do we start? What do you want to know? (See suggestions that follow.)